I woke up today for prayer at 6:30am, and God knows I really didn’t want to sacrifice my sleep. But I knew that there had been things troubling my spirit and we needed to talk. I got up, called in for prayer and I sat silent. For the past two weeks, I’ve been silent with God. It’s not like me to do that but when it happens I know I stumbled somewhere in my Faith.
Keeping in real, I’ve been frustrated. I look over my life and see that I’ve accomplished so much, yet feel that I had not accomplished much of anything. Some may read this and say, but you have xyz; however, what they don’t know are my deepest desires that I fear of not retrieving. Lately, it has been literally in my face each day – someone having something that I desire to have. I pray day and night about these things and how I can prepare for them. Whether it’s a specific house, man, the right friends, or opportunities,just to name a few.
I grew frustrated because I felt that I deserved those things, even before those who received them. I’ve worked hard- I mean real hard on myself and now I have to sit and watch others have what I want, nah that’s dead lol. God knew my heart, but I was pissed ! After spending time just being mad and disgusted with how my life was going in certain areas, God “checked” me and he did it real good.
Many of you may stop reading at this point because you may not relate or don’t share the same faith as mine, that’s cool but I got an assignment to fulfill.
God checked me with two verses that I discovered while spending time with him this morning. The first scripture is Matthew 10:32 “if anyone acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will openly acknowledge that person before my father in heaven.” God spoke to me two years ago about blogging and he wanted the blog to be about my relationship with him. At first I was all about it, but then I grew weary of not having people to read it and it being a “flop.” I worried about everything and never did what he told me to. This scripture checked me because I’ve done this more times that I can count. I chose to not acknowledge God or my faith in order to have my chance with some guy or to fit in just to have friends, or to have a great chance of some man-made opportunity.
I noticed how lonely I became because I had such a strong relationship with God but kept it in secret.
The second verse that checked me was Galatians 6:7-10, I’m not gonna type it all out, but if you get the chance to read it you’ll see what I mean. As you read earlier, I grew frustrated because I seen others have what I wanted. I thought that by me getting rid of folks and keeping away from certain lifestyles that in a snap of a finger I would have my heart desires. Nahhhhh, it doesn’t happen like that, apparently. I spoke to a friend of mine from college about this and she said something that stayed with me, “do what is right because it’s the right thing to do not because you want to get a prize at the end.”
That literally wrecked me because that’s what was happening. I will do things and then hold my hands out to God and say, “see what I have done, so what do you have for me?” It was getting crazy and I just had to get my mind and spirit together.
So where do I go from here? I’m gonna still walk on this path and keep moving. I’ve gotten distracted along the way and I had to bounce back, but I’m humbled. God coming in to wreck my situation and get me in check is what I needed. Stay tuned because it’s more coming this is just part 1.
This was good. God has had to check me on this a few times before. Most recently, I was praying for a car and it seemed like everyone else was getting a new car but me. I had to realize that even though to us it looks like they’re getting what we are praying for we don’t really know what is going on on the other side. They could be struggling to make huge car payments while God was making a way to make sure mine were affordable for me. God cares about us so much and we tend to forget that sometimes He does things to protect us and we don’t even realize it. I got my car btw…a good car that I like and didn’t just settle for, with decent payments, and I didn’t have to have a co-signer or anything like I initially thought I would have to.
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Khia, thank you so much for responding to this. I was afraid to write a post as this because I know everyone doesn’t believe what I believe. Those scripture convicted me like no other. I definitely have to keep in mind that all things are not as they seem.
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What you’re going through is a shift bevause something greater is coming. It’s easier said than done but jusr acknowledging your faults is a start. When you do things because it’s the right thing to do, god only then makes things RIGHT for you. You may think you’re ready to receive but remember TIMING is everything.
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Love you much!! This was encouraging 💕
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I heard a word in church about this and it stayed with me ever since — what God has for you will be FOR YOU, no one can take it away. So there’s no need stressing about what others have, because God already knows what’s in store. Thank you for being brave enough to share this ❤
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Thank you so for this encouraging response, I will be reminding myself this daily 💕
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I needed this. I needed to read this. I am guilty of doing the right thing hoping God will bless me for doing it. Instead of doing the right thing because it is right. I too stray away from God at times when I’m frustrated and fill like I’m not getting ahead. I understand every feeling in this post and I am happy you shared it.
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Thank you for your honesty. I still struggle with this everyday, but writing about it and connecting with others like you help me to keep going.
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Yes please keep going.
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I’ve been there before. In fact, I’m in that place right now and I’m trying to work myself out of it. It’s hard. I completely get where you’re coming from.
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I’m still here too girl, it’s one of the most difficult places I’ve been.
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This was a good read. It’s hard sometimes when you look around and feel like everyone’s prayers are being heard. I try to remember that what God has for me is mine and nothing will change that.
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Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone in this 💕
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I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes I go to my prayer space and just sit silent. I know that God still hears me in my silence. I believe he hears all of us in our silence.
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I hope so, I feel guilty when I’m silent but I don’t know what more to say sometimes.
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I appreciate this great read! I’ve been there! I’m there at times still! At the end of the day we know where our strength is. It’s in the heavenly father! We may lose sight of that at times but God knows his children and will guide us accordingly! Keep Sharing💓
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I don’t talk about my spirituality on my blog. But blogging is a spiritual experience for me. Mainly because I believe through everything I share I am including my testimony and “You shall know them by their fruits.”
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This was good! Thank you !!!
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I operate by the “what is for me shall not pass me.” theory. It took me some time to get here, but I know what God has for me, nobody can take from me. That keeps my focus in check and my jealousy. It does not mean I won’t have it. It means now is not the time.
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Thank you for that reminder !
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There’s nothing like a check and reminder from God. I’ve been hearing His whispers recently myself.
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This was so good, girl! I can definitely relate! Stay the course, all of your blessings and breakthroughs are coming soon! Oh and He’ll definitely check you when you’re in your feelings and need that check!
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I’m trying, it’s so hard. Feels like I’m being punished or something 😩
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Can I say that I needed this post? I was just telling my friend earlier everybody at my dr’s appt was married. I literally looked at their fingers to see if they had a ring…all because I felt like I DESERVE to be married. I question my faith all the time because I don’t get what I desire..but life isn’t like that and God doesn’t work that way either. Thanks for the incite!
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I understand, I’m trying to train my mind to not even look at those things. I’m so happy that my transparency has helped you. Hope you continue to keep reading 💕
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Loved and felt with my soul every bit of this! Especially about feeling like you’ve accomplished so much, but still nothing at all. God definitely be out here checking people lol! When it happened to me, I kinda felt like Mr. Krabs, but nothing is better than knowing He loves me enough to do so. Thanks for sharing!
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