I know we hear it in songs and it has become a trend to make the statement, “I got trust issues” and maybe that was something that kept me from admitting it to myself. It wasn’t until April, where it all just it hit me like a big Mack truck, I really do have trust issues. Now I know, we all display some form of trust – like when we go out to eat or leave our capped water bottle on our desk. But that’s not the type of trust issues I want to talk about today. I want to talk about the type where you don’t trust anyone with your heart, dreams, or even your thoughts regarding anything.
Have you been there before? If so, were you able to pinpoint how this all came to be? I’ll tell you one thing, I had to dig and dig deep. Some of my trust issues came from childhood and some came from things that happened as an adult. Having trust issues started to change who I am and it left me guarded all the time. I am normally a free person, so to walk around like I am covered in barb wires was extremely uncomfortable and I felt like I was in bondage with this pain. To my surprise, it didn’t take me long to settle with this and decide to begin chipping away to get to the root. Boy oh boy, did I have to confront some things that I suppressed over time.
I’m talking about still feeling pain from things that happened not only a year ago, but maybe a whole decade ago. I didn’t realize how much those incidences still weighed heavy on my heart. I thought with time, it would all just vanish like it never happened. But see that’s not how it works. I have wounds. Even though I have been in therapy for 2 years and 3 months, I still have wounds. I’m just on another hill of working through yet another tough issue. I have to admit, I really don’t feel like putting in any more work, I am truly tired. I am tired of healing from things that I didn’t cost. I am tired of healing from things/people that hurt me and I was a good person. It’s disheartening and exhausting, but I’ve made a commitment to myself in 2017 to heal. That means healing from all things, even if it hurts like hell.
Let me know how you made it through your trust issues. What worked or is working for you.